terlalu...

dengan keberadaan ku di kuala terengganu yang dipenuhi oleh manusia yang suka perli ini, kadang2 aku terfikir betapa kata-kata bukan setakat menyakitkan hati, malah lebih dari itu...adalah lebih baik menjadi orang yang gagap daripada menaji dengan orang dengan kata-kata yang 'dalam' maksudnya...dalam la, sakit.

bukan semua, mana2 tempat pon mesti ada orang yang macam tu. tapi di sabah, jarang ada orang yang perli...asik2 nak berhentam terus.jarang la pakai cakap ni...sebab bila ada di sabah, 'anggota' pon ramai...tak payah susah2 nak menabur kata-kata perli ni...

masih lagi dalam situasi dimana aku cuba menyesuaikan diri di tempat orang, atau secara umum nya semenanjung...empat tahun berada di sabah menyebabkan aku 'sedikit' hilang kesemenanjungan itu...orang semenanjung ni, orang jawa cakap la...very unforgiving because they tend to look at what you have done wrong...

macam pilihanraya kecil ni, bukan semua orang cari salah pihak lawan, tapi 'the cultural upbringing' menyebabkan hampir semua orang cari salah orang...suka betul, tak tau ape yang seronok sangat mengomen salahnya orang...

ya, bagus tegur dengan kata2 daripada tegur menggunakan penumbuk atau ruas siku...tapi bukan semua orang tahan dengan kritikan melampau dan pedas...kadang2 tak masuk akal pon..tapi itulah kita. aku suka kritik, tapi aku rasa aku masih tau batas nya, norma kita orang timur yang penuh dengan kiasan ikhlas.

banyak sebenarnya nak cerita...tapi tak tahu nak mula dimana...cuaca lagi, kes menumpang di rumah member yang baru seminggu kenal...kes dengan dua orang adik perempuan nya yang kekadang membuatkan mana2 lelaki pon berasa malu untuk tinggal serumah...kes satu famili yang tidak merokok...

aku bukan sempurna, tapi tak salah mencari kesempurnaan itu...walaupun bukan dalam diri aku sendiri, Insya ALLAH, mukin dalam diri orang lain yang rapat dengan aku...'practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect'...fikir2 kan lah~

holy s*it...you're jar-jar binks!!

happy new year...sory kepada semua yang menunggu post baru dalam blog tak tentu hala ni...bukan ape, sibuk pelik ditambah dengan 'lack of connectivity' kepada dunia luar menyebabkan blog ni 'dorman' sekejap...

tahun baru, bahasa baru...aku rase dah sampai masenye nak taip dalam bahasa melayu...patriotik sket la kunun...tapi bukan bahasa melayu baku la, rase macam skema je. walaupon ramai yang cakap aku skema semenjak berkacamata ni, biaq pi la depa...skali aku terajang baru depa tau..

takdak apa yang menarik pon dalam blog ni, malas dah nak 'menaji' orang dalam blog ni...ALLAH kurniakan kita akal untuk berfikir dan tulang empat kerat untuk bertindak...tapi tak ramai yang bole gune kan sume tu untuk kepentingan sendiri, apatah lagi untuk kepentingan negara, bangsa dan agama.

aku skang berada di terengganu...tak payah la nak di terang kan aku buat ape kat sni...yang slalu baca blog ni tau dah aku buat ape...terengganu ni orang cakap, islamic nye hebat macam kelantan jugak la..aku tengok xda pon sgt2 macam kelantan, biase2 je...lagi satu tak ramai orang terengganu ni yang tak sombong...ada2 je pe'el nye..tapi tak pe la, bak kata malique too phat, "masuk tempat orang bawak otak bukan pisau".

kerja pun macam tu je la..biase2 je. tak da la rush hour sampai putus kepala...relaks.

makanan sedap...tu je yang best.

haa...nak sangat kan post baru..amek ko!

mendisiplinkan bangsa?

i have a father, and he is a soldier (even though just wataniah). and as a soldier himself, he tend to be very strict to my siblings and me. first, i felt that he didn't love me at all, but i know why he do that later in my life.

every other religion teach how to do things right and doing a right thing. even when one have no believe in religion what so ever, human being still have conscience...and having conscience makes human know about what is wrong and what is right. when we was a kid, we always questioned why we get scold (or worse) when we returned late at home from the playground, when we always watching cartoons and not 'touching' the school books all day long. we were kids, we always enjoyed having fun. school books were the last thing we remember during weekends (for some of us).

but then, our parents always said that books is more important than doraemon or dragon ball, while we begged to differ. book not enjoyable compared to the latter.

that was our first encounter with the word 'discipline'. why it is so important? does conscience not enough? conscience come from discipline. the discipline come from ethics. who introduce ethics in this world? someone who was\is right enough to tell one is wrong and one is right, maybe?

discipline starts from home. it is the first education one has to endure, and that learning process will continue until the day we all die. maybe i'm more discipline than an older person but maybe a younger person is more discipline than i am. who knows? nowadays discipline is slowly eroding away from the society. individualism is taking place at pace. gone were the days when the older, wiser can give advises to the young generation without getting any harm. the usual words that came out from the mouth is "alah, awak pun bukan baik sangat nak tegur2 orang, macam bagus je".

the funny thing is, it is always not the best person who give the advises. i remember when i was about 9-10 years old or so, a 'mat pit' (that's a drug addict for u) told me never ever mingle with drugs, just like him. or else i will ended up like him.

getting advises or making yourself more discipline doesn't need to start with an older, wiser person. sometimes they don't even know what they are talking about. some counselors for me just talking trash, they just read by books and never experience it first hand. the best advises you can get, maybe from the person 'been there, done that'.

never afraid of getting comments or advises, it maybe helpful or it maybe dreadful. if you doubted the advises, still we have the conscience to determine whether the things\choices are right or wrong.

lastly..."betulkan yang biasa, biasakan yang betul"...i'm working on that, what say you?

'stupid' is a mean word...'stupidest'?~

ARGGGGGHHHHHH~ two papers down in my 'finale' exam and i didnt quite like it...i've study a lot just to sit there and wondering..."aku nak jawab ape ni?" not that i'm not studying, for the first time in my bloody life i've stayed up until the wee hours of the morning...still, the outcome wasnt really good...and i really hope things will turn out to be better at the end of the day...

then, it got me thinking..."who the hell came out with the examination idea?". i've done a little research that 'examination' (in academic world) starts when the first school came to life...thousands and thousands years ago, when the first academy was built during Roman Empire heydays. but then, there were no OMR papers, no study week, nothing. in fact, the examination is continous. from the first day you enrolled until you roll-out.

currently, the examination is like two or three hour at most, you spilled out what you have studied last night and TADAAA~....wait until the results come out.

for me, it's not right...this type of examinations only work for those who have photographical memory, or really really desperate...this sort of exams only encourage plagiarism, and people always targetting wrong people.

yesterday, i've sat my finance paper where a girl bring a host of formulas into exam hall...and the invigilator targetting my friend behind her...my friend wanna have a slice of info too,but the main sheep-headed moron is the girl...for me it's simple, if u dont know how to do it, just act like u dont know...never cheat.

continous valuations should replace the current scheme of exam...it is useless by the way to evaluate one's ability though...almost anyone can cheat.

sepak terajang dunia politik varsiti~

it's not that i'm soo lazy posting a new one lately, but i'm so busy right now...exams, thesis, VIVA, industrial training, job interview, new car, ungrateful friend stole my time of writing new post...well, i'm here now and this is my new post.

a fortnight ago it was an election day for all varsities students in Malaysia...the mass media coverage was quite astounding, some say. but for me that's not a polling day. just a mere formalities to see who will lead us for the next two semester. and the results too were predictable.

can u imagine the election that everyone already know the outcome? suspiciously intransparent should i say...and the night before that, the varsity staffs handed out the candidates u must choose for the forthcoming election? something fishy might happen...

that's why i said before, the election was just a formalities. The varsity have choose which one of the candidates that should lead the students and not the students themselves who choose their leaders...If UMS newly appointted MPP read this post, they must know that what i've said is true.

Few years back, i have give a thought of joining the election as a general candidate...but before i'm taking my application form, a good friend of mine said that 'don't bother joining the race, u'll lose before u know it'...

simply because the varsity have their own plan, their own set of 'leaders'...well, fair enough. but, thankfully i have friends in MPP and their mastermind in everything they wanna do is the varsities' student affairs divisions...what the hell?

they simply didnt do the job...just being scapegoat when things got ugly and being the one who get the praise when things were good. they dont fight for student rights, no need to fight because i can tell u what these leaders receive in return...

1. their PTPTN will not be blocked even their pointers are dreadful during their tenure.
2. no need to pay for varsity fee...two semester equals rm2500++
3. they can choose which room they wanna live in.
4. they will always get a room in their varsity lifetime.
5. they can go oversea for whatever trip, on students money, eventhough majority have dreadful command in english.
6. their indiscipline will go unpunished...

'leaders'? u tell me...

Ditegur Pun Tak Boleh~

If u ask me, I'm a very big fan of Bureaucracy...yes yes...call me a little 'leceh' and old-fashion but actually, the bureaucracy helps you in many ways. When each thing we do, whcih is the formal business, bureaucracy will help you when things went bad...That particular letters or any memos will sort like bail you out...Orang Melayu cakap "ada hitam-putih"...see?

But now, many people lambast the bureaucracy system, like the system that work so well for the past hundreds years or so is having it flaws, a big one. It's like a big hole in a parachute, not helping at all should they say. The problem is not with the system. In France, where the bureaucracy originated the things go very, very well even sometimes people will ask the government worker if the particular letters are having a slightest part missing.

I'm a big fan of the system, it always bail me out when I'm in trouble and it will do it for you. In Malaysia the problem is also not the system, but the people. By the people i mean all of us, no matter if you are government worker or not. We all have our own faults, just bloody admit it. The problem with the government agencies, particularly, is their workers...from the lowest to the highest of the rank.

This is my own encounter with Malaysian Goverment agency, called Universiti Malaysia Sabah. I went to the library to search for some journals. As so, i went to the counter to ask for the cubicle room key...As i write down my name and matrix no., the clerk on-duty ask me very rudely to put the date on it, not just and us-side down '=' mark. I suggested to the clerk that every new day, she put at the beginning of the list, the date for that particular day so all the student will never have to put down the date again, just their name and matrix number...two things that different from one another.

But then, the exchange of 'punch' began...Here's what I remember.

me: "Kan bagus kalo dah di tulis tarikh kat atas ni, same je tarikh untuk hari ni kan?"

the bitch: "uina, ko ingat saya ni kuli ko ka? bnda kecil pon ndak mau tulis betul2"

me: "saya cadangkan aje, tak nak ikut xpe. Lagi pn cik kan main YM je kat kaunter ni, takda keje nak buat"

the bitch: "ko ni mau jadi bos saya ka ha?! mau suru2 org pula"

me: "WOI! ko xpaham ke mangkuk?! dah la gemuk, cakap orang paksa2 plak..aku cakap aku cadangkan aje...Ko tau ka aku sapa ha?!"

the bitch: "~"

me: "buang masa siak begaduh dgn kau, mari sni kunci!"

The rest is history...so, do u got my point? the problem is not the system but the people conducting it and using it..Me also at fault, after give it a thought the date is the smallest of the info-piece, why i should bother?

We're all humans, but that doesnt mean we can do same mistakes all over again...the system is there, respect it and use and also work with it...

senang cerita macam ni la...

For the past few weeks or so, some of my friends asked me about the world economic collapse. Some turn to me on what they should be worried of a.k.a the backlash from this state of economic panic throughout the world right now, and how does it happen at the first place.

Well, I'm not an economic expert but "senang cerita macam ni la"...

Most of the financial powerhouses are American companies. When I say American, the companies are owned by Americans, based in America and most of the transactions are made in USD (United States Dollar)...These companies like Lehman Brothers, Merill Lynch, AIG to name a few make most of their profits from speculation markets, barely translates as 'make the money out of nothing'...

What does 'make money out of nothing' means? Well, the simplest analogy is like this. You have RM15, and one of your friend told you that you should buy a particular 'nombor ekor' because it will come out tomorrow as a first prize...you buy it based on that speculation, a ticket cost you RM5...and unfortunately you lost, because the number didn't even came out on the next day paper. Your friend come to you again, doing the same thing, with your reaction is also the same, and the aftermath is also the same...repeat that for 500 times, which means by that time you are owing someone else's money...until you couldn't repay it, because the total amount is out of your payable range...As so, you'll be declared as a Bankrupt person.

Imagine 'you' as a biggest investment operator in the world, with the stakes of gamble is bigger than any other company in the world...That company would be declared as bankrupt as well...

As these financial powerhouses collapsed, other financing parties will make their loans or credit terms and conditions stricter than ever to prevent other investment companies from 'suka-suka je nak loan'...thus the term 'credit crunch' is used...

These conventional financial system is always vulnerable to these risks, but their margin of profits is also very high. But now, it is downtrend which means most of the high-stakes shares or currency are not performing well, and most of the investment house is full of debt because of this downtrend.

Does this America financial collapse will effect us badly? My answer is definite YES. Do you still remember 1997 Asia Economic Crisis? well, this time around it will be even worse than that...Even though our government said that it would affect us that much, but believe me...It is.

Americas' government have forked out USD 700 billion (that is seven hundred thousand million) to help those ailing financial and investment powerhouses from collapsing. Their bankruptcy will further deteriorate the financial state in America particularly and also the world as a whole.

Why was that? Why all the world feel the heat? Well, most of the foreign transaction between countries and also multinational companies are made in USD. Most of the countries in the world also have USD as their majority foreign reserves, rather than evergreen gold bar. Basically, the USD is the currency of the world and when it is 'shaky', all the world will tremble.

So, my opinion is...1.start saving, 2.Work Hard, 3. Don't accept VSS (skim berhenti kerja sukarela) and put up a fight, 4.If you are looking for jobs, work with the government agencies, and finally 5.be frugal in your expenditure...

It may help...fingers crossed.

everybody...yeah~

huh, it's been a while since the last post...biasak lahh~ raya, what do you expect? a pot-belly, 2-8kg gains which means a kilo lost during ramadan doesn't helping at all. not me, but someone else's...me, i gain a small amount of f*cking 10-kilo...what~...yes yes...it's "ramadan aftershock syndrome". You know, you didnt felt that 'hungry', but you still wanna chew something edible...a moron said that because i found 'the one', i'm happier thus i ate a lot...what a stupendous accusations that one, if it's true, maybe i'm the fattest man the world have ever see...

no...i'm not that happy or something. But, i feel blessed everytime i'm in a relationship. i'm not that good-looking, nor that rich...but maybe it's something else that matter that make women attracted to me...

just wanna say that although i'm busy right now with assignments and thesis and final exam, i'm working on a book (yeah, i'm so serious about writing i give it a try)...let's just say it's semi-fictional book which most of the events are based on the true stories...picture it as 'sex and the city' meet 'friends' meet 'scrubs'...no 'grey anatomy' or 'private practice' here...

based on 4 person, 4 different life and perspective, in a one heluva city...my inspiration, YOU ARE!

her name is masturah masngon~

fell in love...again? as i told u before, i dont know what that supposed to mean...But this girl really has it...she's from jawa descend, and she looks serious...apart from she's really cute...

well, i hope this time around her friends doesnt act like the friends of previous girls i interested in...knowing me from only what they heard of and not in-person...signs are good, and hopefully there are some major developments in near future.

I'll 'balik kampung' this coming monday...It's been a while now. Bestnye dapat makan my granny's pnye masakan...she's all time champion in our big family...sambal goreng yang superb~

ohhh cik mas...gonna miss ur serious face this hari raya~

Return Of The Superfly~

torrential rain...the number one agenda-killer in sabah...negeri di bawah bayu, yeah rite. Today is the fourth wet-day of the week. Many things happen. Blackout in IP, IP bus met an accident with T.U.T bus. A driver nearly drowned when his 4x4 slump into the ditch...and THE most unlucky of all...ada laaa~ huhu....

today is supposed to see my supervisor, but when i'm very lazy and with the weather is like this...there's no better excuses for sleeping on my comfy bed, watching the days goes by...nak pegi bazaar ramadan ponn malas ya amat.

But apparently, eventhough i'm lazy being professional bed-potato, i manage to arrange three blind dates with the girls i met earlier this week....and surprise2, it's not me who do the arrangements...THEY ARE~

And suddenly, jadi perasan HOT sekejap...it's okay i thought, once in a while u have to praise urself. It's motivating though. I don't see the reason why they are so beria2 in doing blind dates...yes yes, it's my idea but just for fun actually...nothing serious. But, they took my words seriously, and i have to get ready to embark in this 'blind date' mission....

Jangan mintak aku blanje sudeehhhh~ kering ni...

What About Now..What About Today?

well, i guess i'm lying...yes, there are some girls I interested in. But some girls? Alahai~ It's very classic me...just like, not love.

I dont want some girls, I want a very special, tailor-made woman that fits me well. She must, and i mean must, make me willing to do something extraordinary for her...not willing to die, because die is not extraordinary...well, i dont know for you.

And, in the mean time, she must willing to do something extarordinary for me...and together, we do something extraordinary for our love...Love? Hmmm~ for now, i dont know what that's supposed to mean.

I always want to see the one that i really love...and people still wondering how she will look like. I dont bother, because me myself, I also dont know how she will be like...maybe as hot as Amber Chia, or as cute as Nia Ramadhani, or an all-rounder like Nurul Shuhada Nurul Ain...Basically, i really dont bother all of this...My past experience tought me that, sometimes you can easily differentiate a girl and a woman. Being nice and having a good looks sometimes doesnt help at all.

If i given a chance, i want to make a combined clone of all my friends who are girls, not girlfriends. I want as pretty as Nur Farhana, as cute as Nur Ain Fadlina, as helpful as Saidatul Madiha, as playful as Salliza, as hot as Nur Alia Fatiha, as 'manja' as Mazfarina, and finally...as all-rounder as Zalikha Ibrahim.

Time will tell when I will become unavailable...but, what about now? or maybe today?

Our Favourite Mistakes~

Today, i'm busy walking around KK to renew my ATM cards, buy a new handphone (second handphone in 4 weeks), set up a new cellular number, etc2...I'm a little tired and wired at the moment, so bear with me eh?

Erm, I've already put up my new number at the shout out segment so you can give me an sms when it matter most.

There are a lot...and i mean, A LOT! of things going thru my mind today...And i was thinking that, whatever happen to me this week, is only happening because of my mistakes...

Nevermind...

And to all my friends, please leave your number at comment...pliz..

New Ramadhan, New Affections~

Assalamualaikum...it's very rarely i start a new post with salam, really. Because i know some of my readers are not Muslim, and sometimes, the Muslims' friends didn't bother to answer it. See...

But I'm happy that the holy month of Ramadan finally arrived and I'm here, celebrating it with reciting Al-Quran, breakfasting with friends, Terawih prayers and many more. To all my Muslim friends, happy fasting and make this Ramadan your best Ramadan ever. Selamat Berpuasa dan Menjalankan Ibadah...=)

Apart from my current affection to Ramadhan, I've got two more new affections, writing and a new girlfriend. Well, this one is the serious one and if the time's right and I can confirmed the 'deal', I'll introduce her to all of you, my loyal blog-readers. Maybe some of you will be surprised, but I have a great feeling about this.

Enough with personal stuff, on with the public one. Word has it on the streets that sometimes I'm too outspoken in my writing, which is my blog. Well, what can I say? I'm Handhallah being Handhallah...It's aforementioned that, if you don't like what I wrote, simply don't read it again. Okay?

And one more important thing...this one is really important. A day before Ramadan, my hand phone and some cash had been stolen from my house. I would like to apologize to anyone of you who tried to contact me during this period. I'm simply out-of-reach at the moment, by hand phone that is. I'll try to sort this mess out this mid-week, but expect a new number from me, because my mother ask me to return to Celcom one more time after almost four years I've using the Maxis number. So, Maxis friend...sorry. =p

I'll informed you my new phone number, probably on the next post or just by mouth...And to all who have been supportive during this difficult time, thank you soooo much.

p/s: Maddy, i want and need another H really badly...=)

Antara Pandai dan Bijaksana~

I totally overwhelmed by Tun Mahathir explanations about AUKU acts, The acts that he introduced back in 1974, when he was a Education Minister. Yes, I agree with almost every point he make...yes, almost.

There are certain things that are absolutely right about AUKU. Back in the '70s, not many professionals came from Malay families, only the better-offs and really2 brilliant people can afford tertiary education. And those brilliants came with a scholarships from Government, and i believe until now it still happening. So, the AUKU was presented so these Bumiputras, which is very low in supposed admission can really concentrate on their studies, rather than 'wasting' their time on the streets demonstrating for this and that.

Now, some of us believe that the AUKU should be abolished, including me actually. Why? Simply because we just create 'pandai' bumiputras, not 'bijaksana' bumiputras. The varsities students should be both 'pandai' and 'bijaksana', not just 'pandai' only. I've seen many 'pandai' people in my life. They come from various type of families. Malay, Chinese, Indian, KadazanDusun etc2.But to find a 'bijak' person, that was rare finding, really.

How we evaluate 'pandai'? By type of courses, the degrees or masters or even doctorate, the careers, the status of job etc2. Can we evaluate 'bijak' in the same manner? Of course the answer is not. Some professors can only talk about maths and physics all day but they stuttered when it come to politics and the well-being of their respective races or nations. They are not Jack of All Trades, only master in one field doesn't make you a 'bijak' person. 'Pandai'...maybe.

Actually, I was wrong. Not just we've created 'pandai' bumiputras only, but also non-bumis. Just look at the Malaysian Bar Council. It is stupid to say them not 'pandai' at all. They're lawyers and some of them are formers public prosecutors, degrees came from Harvard, Stanford and maybe Lincoln's Inn. And most of them are non-bumis. Still they act very un'bijaksana' recently by holding a forum called "Memeluk Islam". Are you 'bijaksana' when deliberately hurting other people feelings?

Put this in one basic situation. You don't fart in public. Why was that? Why dont you just let the gas out? It's your rights, right? But by doing it, you will become insensitive, irresponsible and anything suitable to describe how annoying you are. And you will be downright embarrassed. See...

Back to AUKU acts. Why i really agree that the acts should be demolish is because...the student become afraid, by-books, no-life creature. You can learn how to be 'pandai' by books, by lectures or whatever. But, in order to become 'bijak', you need to mingle with other people, from other races, different walks of life, different age or generation gap to know what kind of community we live in. Not because of politics i wrote this but because in the sense that i responsible too when my colleagues only have life with books and lectures notes. Other than that, Naruto and Kreko and maybe girlfriends/boyfriends having a picnic at Simpang Mengayau. What a boring life when a student like me, at this higher-learning level should done more with community, make themselves better because at the end, i'm the part of the community itself.

i don't like demonstrating, waste of time. And sometimes the demonstrators themselves didn't know for what or for whom they demonstrated. What a stupid excuses to run from a lecture. I don't come to lecture, just because i don't want to. But i like to write or give public speeches, it shows that I'm full of substances and not just 'poyo', shouting at the streets. Then maybe people around me will evaluate my thoughts, give enriching comments. That, i really sure, will enrich my thoughts too. I'm just 22 years old for god sake, and an extend student. I'm not that 'pandai', but what i crave is to be humane, 'bijak'...That's what matters most. everybody can be 'pandai', given hard work and a time frame. But 'bijak', you learn in life. You cant be 'bijak' when you don't have life..Is it?

AUKU acts just holding students back from being 'bijak'...If you dont want the students to un'pandai' by abolishing the AUKU, preserved it, but with major reconstruction. Still barred student from entering Political Demonstrations, but leave them to speak, to write their thoughts out. We need 'bijak' leaders in the future, not just 'pandai' only...

I Saw Her...Again~

What do you think? If I were u...I believe that the chemistry is there for the taking. But currently, none of us have the guts to speak to each other...Maybe what we need is a spark. Not a spark-plug laa~ but u know, a spark to get us started.

Maybe I'm SS (syok sendiri)...but what blushes means for a girl. or a woman? every time we stump to each other, she blushed when i smiled...she's so cute. call her overweight or what ever, but i like that kind of blush...makes me wanna blush too~

i totally like her...seriously. but one of my friend said that I'm becoming thoroughly desperate and distracted. i don't care. furthermore, this is my last semester here...i just wanna know her name, and god willing, having a small chit-chat with her...that's it.

i don't think we have time to take it to another level, so my aim is so low...yes, i like her, i like her, i like her...i can't stop thinking about that blush. What it supposed to mean? Is she lethargic? Penat sampai merah muka? or just shy when somebody smiled at her, even though it wasn't me? Maybe some women are like that, just tend to blush without knowing it. I believe, if she reading this blog, she doesn't know that she is the one who blush...

but today, she just smiled back! and I'm the one who blush...i thought sooo~ Do both of us like each other? Or she just happen to know that i like her that much? ohhh god, please help me...what was her thinking at that time? I need to know...such desperate and miserable I'm, until now, and maybe until i meet her again.

i don't wanna hide the truth that I'm desperate of her, I'm miserable...but i like the feeling. I like being miserable and desperate like this...Some people might say, "Why are u so miserable and desperate just because of a girl u barely even know?"...seriously, i don't have the answer for that.

maybe one day, when i was old and have children or grand-children, i have a story to tell to my young ones...i used to like one girl who blushed when i smiled...

Don't Get Me Started...

U know what...I hate UMS. Yes, u heard it right, I HATE UMS...Sorry to say, but if u are about to hire someone for a job..never hire a Sabahan. Period.

4 years i've been here and nothing's changed. The third-class mentality, together with third-class work ethic covered in a one big first class cover. It's like u are paying the business class seat in MAS for a seat in AirAsia flight...It is a case of style over substance, really.

People in Peninsula said that,"eii..untung ko kan...UMS kn lawa. Mesti hari2 pegi dating..", sorry folks but u are badly wrong. Being in UMS is such a hell-bent experience...being a state in an island (Borneo is a third largest island in the world), the weather is so unpredictable...u can have a burning hot day, rainy day and storm all in a period of 6 hours. And i always wish on that kind of day...i'll be cruising around in my car.

Unluckily, i can't use my car for now...so i have to take a bus ride. And a bus ride from IP is the one u really want to avoid, seriously. Because UMS is like every other varsities in Malaysia, so the intake of female students are rocketing up during these past few years...and usually, we need to lock in the battle to enter the bus at the peak hour.

U know what...female students are far more superior than their male counterpart...KAMI PULAK YANG MALU, KAMU TAU TAK?! They use their most valueable 'assets' to get us cornered. The bus driver, the luckiest bastard alive because doing no work at all and still getting paid at the end of the month, always being bias to us...male student. Ko ingat perempuan tu nak tidor dengan ko ke kalo ko kasi dia naik bas dulu? Such a dumbass.

And this morning, particularly 9.30 a.m...i snapped. I've waited almost an hour for a bus to come. Then i have to stand up along the way to campus. When the bus arrived at SST, the bus seems want to move quickly from that bustop...and some dickheads entering the bus like there are no people are left to get out...then..WOI, STOP LA MANGKUK AKU NAK TURUN!!!...i yelled at the bus driver. Whole bus was so quiet...the bus driver stared at me..F u la, sekolah tak tinggi...

And then...CAN YOU ALL WAIT TILL ALL OF US GET OUT FIRST, SUCH A STUPID STUDENTS...i cursed the lot who enter the bus without waiting for all people get out first...some are staggered, some still tersenyum2 macam kerang busuk...Ikut kan hati, rasa nak tumbuk pun ada...Don't think i couldn't punch u just because u are a woman...seriously. Ask Julie Dahlia...

So, moral of the story is...don't get me started...i'm a swearing enthusiats and become foul-mouthed when i'm very, very angry...Don't say i didn't tell you.

no guts, no glory...or is it?

:: why sabah is soooo hot? especially at the sea... ::

adoii~ this week supposed to be a very tiring one for me. kawan2 nak konvo, both in Sabah and Semenanjung. but since i'm in Sabah and currently i'm working on my experiments, i think i have to attend my friends who will be here...Amir, Rihanna, Uncle, Mat, Cheng and many more (there's too many...and i'm too lazy to write) will be here. Cadangnya nak grad sama2, tapi biasa la...aku kan kurang rajin...satu sem amek 15 jam kredit je...hahaha~

too many changes in this particular U lately. Gone are the days where every student had to run here and there just to meet the lecturers. Email trus...so easy and simple. No wonder most of the student are getting fatter...and i'm afraid that will include me as well. Not many people i know in this U anymore. Only a handful, and i'm more shy than 3-4 years ago. I dont know why...

For example. I never having tough times starting a chit-chat with stranger, especially women. But this sem, i feel i'm so shy to communicate....kalo nak cakap dengan member pun balik2 beterabur je ayat. And now i'm staying in Indah Permai, that oh-i-am-so-shy syndrome would never help me at all...I always want to come here, where all the finest chicks are available...hahaha~

There's a girl i marked from the very beginning of this semester. She lives in IP, apparently and she got that oh-so-cute smile and she tend to blush when i smile at her...Annoyingly, i never talk to her...and i think i need the guts of Achilles to say 'hi!' to her...oh, where's my courage gone? Gone together with Rihanna, my so-skinny-ex girlfriend? c'mon...she didn't love me now...and i don't love her. enough said...no guts no glory eh? i hope that girl have guts to start a conversation with me...hahahaha~

:: please, i don't wanna go to the open sea again...::

how hard can it be?

well, nothing really...i just encountered some old boffins at SST and they seems like to be very unprofessional...they tend to get their head over everything, panas baran tak bertempat...

How hard could it be to curb your anger...if i can do it, why can you?

500 bucks shopping spree~

:: i smell good~ ::

what do you expect when a guy when shopping? yes, we shopping very rarely, very seldomly...but we spent alot, and things we bought were still in our budget-line...i think so~

well, let's recap on what i bought this weekend. i bought a solvi titus pair of glasses, a bottle of acqua di gio 350ml (i dont really remember, what i know it is the same perfume i bought all over again), and a present for a very special lady in my life...she doesnt want to be called as girlfriend, so i call her woman-friend (bleh?)...all i can say that the present is very small, and in her favorite color...green. people say that, smaller things costs you more...well, i think the my present is bespoke with the lady...you do need diamond rings with to close the deal with woman (sorry la mr.Big, i stole your words...)...but p.s, i'm still single..ok? Dont make a speculation about us!

the more important bits this weekend is that i watched 'Sex and The City' twice! haha~ Very funny indeed, me myself i cant believe i watch that particular movie twice. I never watch a movie twice, apart from movies in my laptop which i watched all over again every other time...For your information, i'm a big fan of this movie because i watched the series until the end of it about 4-5 years ago. At that time, i'm still so young and struggling to understand why those educated women (Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Sam) have so much trouble in finding true love...sometimes it is not hard when you take one thing at a time but being 'educated', those girls tend to freak-out when problems come around...the problems is not their men, but sometimes lies within themselves.

Until now, i still believe that womans' worst enemy are their bestfriends...gilrfriends. sorry girls, but that's how things panned out. Yes, they are the one you can turn to when you are in trouble...That's ironic, You put your head on the person who give you problems' shoulder. The first time i watched the movie, i felt bad being a guy...it was so sad that Big didnt have guts to marry Carrie, but things like this do happen. Because after marriage, it is the husband who take the beating alot...and we never tell, hoping our woman already knew. We never act like girls, saying every other time that we should understand, or try, or try to learn understand their feelings...oh no~

Second time i watched that movie...i learn that love is all around. Choose the best. And the thing, the most important thing in this movie is...shit happen. Dont care how much you love, how much you care...we tend to screwed it up. Even at the very last minute, the moment of truth. We can deny that fact.

Women said that men have big ego, and it echoes thru my head every now n then...Then i ask, why our ego is so unspeakable you girls always talk about it? How about yours? Do you ever give a thought about it? to curb it? rather than blaming male egos? Yes, i have ego...a big one. But not as big as some girls i met before. And they rather talk about us...our ego, our this and that. Do you understand us? since that femalution (female-revolution), women never understand us. I bet you dont know. We are also human, we make mistakes but that doesnt give you license to punish us...We punish ourselves more than you could think, besides those jerks who called themselves a 'man'...

You must know how to differentiate a man and a man-wannabe. They are different. Me? i'm still in-progress...i really hope my 'Carrie' will love my 'diamond ring'...I cant afford Manolo Blahnik, but a bitten apple should do fine for Mr.Big...mr.big belly,haha~

:: ever thine, ever mine, ever ours~ ::

We Isn't That Bad...Really?

Last night was the match all The Blues supporters have been waiting for a long time...Their star-studded team, featuring Deco, Anelka, The Cole brothers, Ashley and Joe (they are NOT brothers, ok...), John Terry and Co. versus B Sathianathan boys... As i expected, we've lost...But amazingly just 2 goals were conceded, and we nearly caught them by surprise...Amirul Hadi with two clear-cut chances which gone away, no thanks to pathetic finishing.

What i'm trying to say that, after 90 minutes of gameplay Malaysia football team wasn't that bad at all. Chelsea is a star-studded team and i supposed they steamrolled past us with a big-goal margin...Felipao said that his team cant play with a rugged field like that...c'mon man, what a stupid excuses...if our kampong boys can play on it, why cant your super team? Is this 'petanda buruk' for Chelsea this coming season?

Bear in mind that Malaysia team is without mercurial Kyrill Muhymeen (am i spelled it right?), the winger blessed with ridiculous speed and immense talent because he was tired (apparently), so the coach have to let him go. And also Titus James Palani, the only Malaysian that i know playing outside Malaysia. have Titus on the left and Kyrill on the right...what a deadly combination on the paper (of course only on the paper, i never see Titus play).

I believe, if the coaching is right, players keep their discipline in-check, our players have chance to go places...maybe World Cup in 2014? Who knows...

I wanna all of you to think this...Eventhough we supports Chelsea, Arsenal or Man Utd that doesnt mean we have to back them when they play against our national team...Support our national team. We wasnt that dreadful anyway...

:: Even if Arsenal played against Malaysia, I still support 'Harimau Malaysia' ::